I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been asked if or when we’ll have another baby. I don’t know if Shaun gets asked the same question. I’ll have to ask him. And I can’t decide if those asking are being a bit too personal or if I’m being sensitive. The truth is that we’ve been “trying” for some time now. 18 months on and off. Samson was somewhere around 5 months old when we decided that this parenthood malarky was actually pretty cool and we’d like to give it another go. I think I was one of the first in our little mum and baby group to voice this opinion. And now I find myself one of the last to make it a reality.
The first time around, I knew very little about the science behind it all. It all happened so quickly. But now I’d say I’m a bit of an expert. Which may or may not be a good thing. Maybe it’s not been the right time. I’m a big believer in things happening exactly when they’re supposed to. I’ve had to practice patience many times before so why should this be any different? And sleep hasn’t always been the best around here, especially through times of illness. Which was almost constant last winter. And it’s only recently that Samson makes it through the night without a leaking nappy. That boy drinks A LOT of water. Surely it’s gotta be easier to deal with a new baby waking every couple of hours when you don’t have to worry about its brother waking all night long too? Planning the wedding turned out to be pretty stressful. And I had it in the back of my head that I didn’t want to ruin my dress with a pre / post baby bump going on. But I felt sure it would happen for us after that.
It may not have exactly gone to plan but you know what? My gratitude for the time I have to spend with Samson grows each day. Each day I grow more appreciative of those moments I lie in the dark waiting for him to fall asleep. Pushing aside the frustration that I could be on the sofa enjoying a glass of wine and watching a movie without a little person hanging off of me. I make a conscious effort to stop mid way through cleaning, sorting another load of laundry or loading the dishwasher because a little hand is pulling me away and guiding me towards the colouring pencils or the bookcase. I’m beyond grateful for spontaneous hugs to my legs numerous times a day that stop me in my tracks and make me put down whatever it is I’m doing so that my hands are free to hug back. And I’m grateful to have this time with him because there will come a day when he no longer calls for me, reaches out to me for comfort or wants me for his playmate.
I’ve learnt so many lessons from this little boy about patience (mine and his), trust, personality – allowing us all to be ourselves -and love, that would only benefit a brother or sister. And I would love for Samson to have a sibling. To experience what Shaun and I both had growing up. Being an only child would by no means be a bad thing. One of my favourite people is an only child and I think she turned out pretty amazing. So perceptive of people around her. But if we are lucky enough, I’ll be sure to remind myself of this period of our life when it was just the three of us. And you know what? It wasn’t all that long ago that I thought I may never get to experience having a child at all. And look at me now. I guess that’s the purpose of writing this. I don’t even know if I’ll publish it. We’ll see. But as of today, the results are back and everything seems to be in working order. We’ll remain positive and take positive actions and leave the rest up to the universe. In the meantime, I remind myself of my favourite affirmation; “I look for the positive in every situation and I always find it”. And in this situation, I do.